Over the last several decades, many children have grown up in split households, meaning divorces required them to divide their time between their mothers and fathers. While most of these children probably found the divorces difficult at first, they more than likely became accustomed to them over the course of time and even grew to accept their changed circumstances.

However, it appears that many of these children of divorce, while accepting of their parents' separation, are unwilling to repeat the process as adults. In fact, well aware of the anxiety, sadness and anger that divorce caused their parents, many are consciously choosing to enter relationships more carefully.

In fact, many adult children of divorce are now entering into so-called "stayover relationships" whereby they maintain separate homes from their boyfriend or girlfriend but regularly spend the night and the majority of their daytime hours with them.

"We're now dealing with a generation of kids who grew up in a very divorce-oriented culture," said licensed therapist and author Nina Atwood. "So many of them have parents who are divorced at least once. I think they're experiencing some hesitation toward marriage. This is their way to slow down the process and take their time."

Interestingly, a recently published study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships determined that the number of stayover relationships is on the rise.

"We found that participants in our study really benefited from the comfort and convenience of staying the night with their partner without having to deal with some of the risks and responsibility of more formal commitment like cohabitation," said Tyler Jamison of the University of Missouri-Columbia.

Why then are so many adult children of divorce/young couples entering into stayover relationships?

  • Couples are free to "try out" what it feels like to be in a more serious, committed relationship without dealing with any potential fallout such as having to divide possessions or locate a new home/apartment
  • Couples who are serious about one another but uncertain about the future can avoid rushing into cohabitation or marriage (and maybe even divorce)

"If they use that time well, it can be used to uncover obstacles that might prevent them from being a happy couple down the road," said Atwood. "They will either grow closer and stronger and move toward marriage, or come unglued."

If you would like more information regarding dissolution of marriage or property division, you should strongly consider speaking with an experienced legal professional.

This post is provided for informational purposes only and is not to be construed as legal advice.

Stay tuned for developments from our Phoenix divorce blog ...

Related Resources:

WTOP-Washington D.C. "Young adults take 'stayover' on road to marriage" Aug. 3, 2011